“I woke up this morning. I looked out the window and I realized I had a very special Gift from God. I had time. I thought about the time I had. I thought about the things I had to do. I thought about the energy I would need and I thought about how I would use the time to prepare myself to do the things I felt had to be done by me. Subconsciously, I guess I knew that in the hours of light to darkness I would not find enough time to do all the things that would please me.
The day is gone, and as I think back, I did so many things. I’m tired and I’m complaining of an aching back. I can’t get to sleep though; I wonder why? I worked hard and met so many other people. I felt, inside me, while I was doing what I wanted, another need. I felt dissatisfied. I felt that I could be doing so much more, and yet the atmosphere, the place I was, didn’t seem to call for the need. I guess I wasted time today, but in many ways, the tiredness I feel says the day was full of many things.
Here it is, two o’clock. I can’t seem to unwind. I know I will be tired tomorrow morning, and when I think of all the things I’ve got to do, I get even more tired. I guess I’ll have something to eat and watch a little TV to take my mind off of what it’s on, but I can’t even pinpoint what is causing this insomnia I feel.
I just came from a Retreat. I found out all about time. I found that though I am working and doing normal things, I’m wasting hours, according to The Divine. I never realized before how important the Gift of time was, but now I do, because you see, I was told God expects my time for things He needs. I see now that time was necessary. Time was necessary to do the things for personal needs, but I did not spend enough of my time in active prayer, offering to Him my every work and every care. I learned in this Retreat that the moment I awake, I must say to Him:
‘I offer You this day, my God, in everything I do and say, so that everything I am will reflect Your Will today. Help me to grow in Graces that I could not gain alone. Help me to reach for purity, so I will one day see You on Your Throne.’
I also found at this Retreat, that prayer is easy, even for me. I found out I can walk and talk to God about the things I do. I realize now that I don’t have to kneel unless I want to. I see now, in the air I breathe, the order of His Love for me. I also feel necessity to go through my conscience and determine what I must do to change impurities. I never thought about examining my conscience quite like this, but now I see the value to it and I find that doing this helps me to relax and feel more sure of my path to Him once more.
I guess I never realized that when I kneel to pray, I show that I am a child, humble in many ways. I guess I never realized that when I say, ‘I’m sorry,’ He likes to hear it; but then He says, ‘The sorrow is a good sign, but repeating the wrongdoing only emphasizes weakness, so learn, My son, through The Commands I gave, how to eliminate this weakness.’ And then I also learned at this Retreat, it is necessary to retreat, to re-establish the Faith I have so I will never accept defeat.
I heard many talks about the Christians of long ago, but now I realize that they, too, had time to do His Will in all the ways I have, and even more. I also know, firsthand now, that there are so many ways for me to develop purity in the time I have every day. I promised God that I would use my time to work at being One of His Saints. I’m beginning today with the time I have. I’m happy to know how to pray. I would like to spread to all I know, the importance of time, for now I see the time of day is special for you and me. We can take care of our needs, take time for God, and spend hours using our thought, our words and our actions in Honor of Him, without omitting personal needs.
Thank You, God, for the time You have given me, to walk in a light of hope, not misery. Help me to know if I’m doing right. Help me to grow in Divine Light. Help me to use my time productively for the good of my Soul, as example to others in Honor of The Holy Trinity. So be it.”